What makes a partner controlling? It doesn’t always look like an aggressive individual forcing you to do as they please through fear tactics.

Instead of them directly telling you what you’re allowed to do, they may use subtle yet powerful manipulation to influence your decisions and ways of thinking.

So… what are the signs?

Endless criticism

They try to make you feel insecure by constantly voicing their disapproval of the things you do.  This could be them making you question your competence by downplaying your accomplishments.

You may have just gotten a raise at your job, so you tell your partner in excitement hoping to be met with equal joy.

Instead, a controlling partner may say something like, “You’ve been at the same company for three years now, I’d hope you’d get a raise.”

They make you question your reality

They twist the truth to make you question your recollection of past events and your intuitive feelings. 

This can create strong feelings of self-doubt, creating a lack of confidence in yourself. This manipulation tactic is known as gaslighting.

Here are three common phrases “gaslighters” use, according to Dr. Cortney Warren, a Harvard psychologist:

1.     “Everyone agrees with me – you’re just being difficult.”

2.     “You made me do it.”

3.     “I was just joking.”

They get upset when they aren’t included in every plan

A controlling partner may feel entitled to be part of every single event in your life. But space is always a good thing for any relationship.

 “In a healthy relationship, you are free to spend time apart as you please… You come back together and are excited to share what you have experienced when you were apart,” as stated by a Dating & Relationship Coach.

They’re jealous, but not in a “cute” way

Controlling partners go beyond the image of an occasionally jealous significant other that many are admittedly attracted to.

They make jealousy habitual. It becomes a constant, irrational issue that can quickly turn any atmosphere sour.

Have you ever dressed up for a night out and felt extremely confident, filled with excitement for the good time ahead of you, only for your partner to tell you to change your entire outfit?

Conclusion

Signs your partner is controlling aren’t always clear, sometimes they can be harder to spot.  

Try looking further into the true dynamic between you and your partner and determine if there are boundaries in place that are mutually respected.