Existential dread is the dread that comes from the reality that even though we didn’t give consent to be here, we’re here and we’ve been thrust into existence on a planet that forces us into a system where we must figure out how to survive every day.

As life continues to grow more expensive and the job market continues to get more tragic, I believe rates of suicide will continue rising.

Which is why I really want to take this time to talk about how to cope with existential dread.

I am not talking about curing existential dread because I really don’t believe there is any way to completely cure existential dread.

I read from a philosopher that to be born is to inevitably suffer. But here’s one helpful way you can cope.

Remaining childfree

I know that there are people in the world who have already decided to give birth to children, but I’m mostly just referring to those of us who have not given birth to children just yet.

I believe that opting for a childfree lifestyle is an extremely strong coping mechanism for existential dread because I have peace of mind, knowing that I’m never going to inflict the feelings of depression and despair that I occasionally have onto another un-consenting soul.

I also feel that I am capable of learning from other people‘s mistakes, and I’ve seen endless evidence from regretful parents that has been extremely helpful.

I’ve seen thousands of videos and read thousands of forum posts from people who have shared their regret about having kids and entering parenthood.

They’ve described mourning the person who they were before having kids and mourning the freedom they once had. Mourning the relaxation they once got to have on any given day.

They’ve described the pain and anguish of sending their child out into the world, knowing they can never protect their child from all the harm that can possibly happen.

And it’s true. Parents can never protect their kids from everything, and they just have to suck it up and get over it. And I don’t know if I’m capable of that.

I saw one woman specifically posting a video complaining about childfree people saying, “I don’t think you childfree people understand just how much free time you really have. It’s like y’all are on vacation every day.”

Loads of childfree people have responded to her video and flooded her comment section saying that childfree people are actually far more aware than she’s giving us credit.

We know exactly how much free time we have and we have opted for a childfree lifestyle on purpose because we’re aware that once you have a child, your life is no longer yours. Your life now revolves around the betterment of your child. And that’s not something many childfree people are willing to agree to.

That’s not to say I don’t have extreme respect for parents of the world who have embarked on the mission of parenthood. I think parents are some of the strongest people in the world and it’s a job that I am not capable of doing myself. I can own that and I can admit that.

I do personally feel that my life is already marred with its own list of challenges and it would only get harder and feel more depressing for me if I brought a child into the equation.

This doesn’t apply to people in the world who genuinely always knew they wanted to be parents. But for those of us who kind of always knew deep in our soul that parenthood wasn’t for us, then I think we should stick to our guns because existential dread as a solo human on this planet is already heavy enough.

When you add on the layers of worrying about an innocent child who now has to manage a relentlessly cruel and disturbing human experience, I think it just makes it worse.

The idea of getting pregnant and having a kid right now doesn’t feel like a blessing, even though people say all babies are blessings. It actually just makes me feel concerned about that child’s future and the life they’re going to live.

As a woman of color, I think I have a little bit darker of a perspective on this because I’ve dealt with sexism and racism my entire life and there is absolutely no way I can avoid that as part of my human experience unless I hide away in a box forever.

So the idea of a little child in the world experiencing the same level of sexism, racism, and hatred that I’ve endured, even feeling a sliver or a fraction of the pain I have felt… it really just makes me sick to my stomach.

Couple that with the fact that most of us just don’t have the greatest genetics. We’re passing down generations of cancer, diabetes, thyroid disease, and other genetic issues. Plus mental health issues like depression and anxiety… All of that stuff runs in my family.

I’m good with it if all of the generational trauma ends with me. I’m good if all the generational curses are broken with me.

And with that decision comes peace of mind that goes hand-in-hand with coping with my existential dread.

The last thing I’ll say about this point is that I’ve always heard that the childfree folks of the world are uncontrollable and ungovernable.

It’s really hard to control people who are childfree, because it is easier for us to approach decision making mire leniently.

Those with children might feel forced to stay at toxic jobs or stay living in certain cities based on affordability because they have kids they need to tend to.

As a childfree person, I’ve historically been able to quit toxic jobs whenever I felt like it.

I was able to leave toxic relationships without a second thought because there were no kids in the picture to consider.

And when I was 24, I literally packed up my car with all my stuff and crossed state lines to move to another city overnight because I randomly wanted a fresh start.

These are things that you can certainly do with kids, but it’s way harder to do with kids.

So coping with existential dread for me means staying as uncontrolled as I possibly can by maintaining as much freedom and flexibility as I possibly can, and for me, that means remaining childfree.