One thing I realized about the women of House of the Dragon is that they are collectively trapped in impossible choices. It doesn’t necessarily come down to poor decision-making skills all the time.

We see them doing things that disappoint us and piss us off as viewers often, but it’s typically because they’re literally trapped in impossible choices. And that makes it harder for me to judge them so critically.

A quick scroll through social media will help you understand what I’m talking about, because the women of House of the Dragon get bashed and slammed pretty frequently, but let’s just go down the list to shine a light on the impossible nature of their lifestyle decisions, and why I actually have a soft spot in my heart for pretty much all of them at this point.

Rhaenyra

Rhaenyra is stuck between fighting for freedom and legitimacy. And for a character like her, that decision actually does feel impossible to choose between. She was raised to believe she could be different, taught from a young age, as her father‘s only heir, that leadership as a woman was actually a viable path for her. But as she grew older, she realized she still had to play by the old rules, in a rule book written specifically for men. Every choice she makes puts her in positions where she’s getting judged harder, purely because she’s female. I genuinely feel like a lot of the decisions she made in the first few seasons wouldn’t have been judged so aggressively by everyone around her if she were a guy. When Rhaenyra behaves like male rulers, she’s considered reckless. When she behaves in a way that’s traditionally feminine, she’s considered weak. So the question at hand is, was she ever actually allowed to succeed?

Another impossible decision for Rhaenyra came after her conversation with Alicent, when she realized reclaiming power would absolutely lead to bloodshed. Is reclaiming power more important than preserving lives? Another impossible decision comes down to her romantic connections with both Daemon and Mysaria. Things are open for interpretation among viewers about where Rhaenyra’s heart really lies since the show has sort of left room for both possibilities. Having to decide between two people she’s passionate about and attracted to likely feels impossible for her.

Alicent

When it comes to Alicent, I believe her impossible decision revolves around family loyalty or considering the greater good of society. What is she going to prioritize? As a character who married young and sort of betrayed her best friend in the process, since her husband happened to be her best friend‘s father, her value instantly began revolving around the service she could provide as a wife and mother. She instantly transitioned from being a young and innocent girl who idealized her friendship into a wife and mother who was forced to shift all expectations of how she wanted her life to play out. Obviously, we can thank her father for pushing that entire narrative and encouraging her to marry King Viserys. But despite Alicent’s young age, when she married him, the perception of her and the decision she made still has a lot of people. On social media, I saw one person write, “Viserys married her when she was 14 or 15 years old and used her as an incubator to birth him more children. Afterwards, he neglected said children and once he got sick, Alicent became his nurse. Viserys is not the victim in this situation; it was the other way around.”

A separate Redditor responded saying, “She happily married him to be Queen and do her father’s bidding, and she lorded that position over Princess Rhaenyra. Alicent was sweet, but her father poisoned her. If she’s a victim, she’s a victim of her father‘s ambitions to raise his fortunes and put her horrible, sociopathic, lazy sons on the throne.” Regardless of other people‘s opinions, I still feel that Alicent was in somewhat of an impossible situation. Her father was pushing her to seduce the king, and while she knew it would benefit her to become queen, she also knew it would be the end of her friendship with Rhaenyra. And she was right.

When I think of Alicent’s impossible situation after she got older and became a mother, I realize that she feels she must grapple with the reality that her son Aegon is incapable of ruling. And the fact that her son Amon is actually terrifying. So is she supposed to remain loyal to her terrible sons, or is she supposed to think about the greater good of society as a whole? And what makes her situation even louder is that she feels isolated as she is pushed aside politically. She quickly figured out that presenting gentle softness and patience doesn’t equate to having a voice or being safe, even among her own family members.

Another impossible decision I saw for Alicent came down to her affair with Criston Cole. She didn’t cheat on Viserys because he had already died when her affair with Criston started, but Criston made a vow to remain celibate, so hooking up with Alicent is a direct breach of the sacred oath he made. A lot of people think this decision should never have been an impossible one for Alicent because they don’t understand why she would ever hook up with him or give him the time of day in the first place. But what made it an impossible situation for her is that she spent years feeling isolated, unfulfilled, and pretty bored in a duty-bound marriage. Her own desires were placed on the back burner while she was married to Viserys. She became a nurse to him for the most part towards the end there.

She felt attracted to Criston since they shared something major in common… The fact that they were both pissed off at Rhaenyra. Having a common enemy made them more attracted to each other. So while some people might dismiss her deep internal desire to feel passion, romance, physical connection, and emotional connection with another person, putting yourself in her shoes makes it easier to understand why she got involved with Criston on that level in the first place.

Helaena

Helaena is actually one of my favorite characters from the show, but the reason she’s so lovable is actually what makes her situation so challenging. The impossible decision she faces is whether or not she should learn to speak up for herself or continue letting the world crumble around her as if she has no impact whatsoever. Helaena is living in a somewhat of a horror story. Her romantic situation isn’t romantic or steamy at all. She’s literally married to her older brother, who acts as if he hates her. He’s neglectful, he’s a cheater, and their relationship is completely loveless and strained. Her choice really is impossible, being someone at her status and level without any real power or any real voice. Since she often speaks in riddles in such a poetic way, her family never takes her seriously. They either ignore her, see her as an eccentric weirdo, or look at her like she has special needs. They’re not willing to acknowledge. So a major impossible decision for her is whether or not she should keep speaking up with her prophecies, or keep everything to herself since no one seems to care or take her seriously.

But I personally think the most impossible decision we ever saw her make so far was telling Blood and Cheese which of her children was her son on the night her kid was slaughtered. A lot of people were pissed off at her for pointing out her son, but I really think they would’ve killed her and both of her kids if she didn’t say anything at all. It was an impossible situation. Similar to Sophie‘s Choice starring Meryl Streep, a movie from 1982, in which a mother had to choose between her two children. It’s an impossible decision for anyone to be in, and we literally had to watch Helaena go through that.

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