I’m pretty tired of people assuming that childfree women are stuck in a temporary phase and are eventually going to change our minds about wanting kids.

And I think Taylor Swift is slightly to blame for some of this rhetoric. Not entirely, but slightly, yes.

More on that in a minute.

I’ve known I wanted to be childfree since I was younger, around the age I became super self-aware.

Because I quickly figured out that I didn’t give consent to being born myself, and I wasn’t having a great time existing in life.

So I started questioning why I would want to inflict those same feelings and emotions I was having onto another unconsenting soul.

At a young age, I also feared the process of childbirth.

And listening to the sound of babies crying irritated me so much that I started mentally bargaining with myself, trying to figure out how I would possibly get through it if I were to become a mother someday.

But when I got older, I realized I never had to become a mother.

I realized it was a social construct I didn’t have to subscribe to.

And I was filled with waves of relief.

I believed my entire life that becoming a mom was something I was just going to have to do eventually.

But then I got older and found out that wasn’t true at all.

One of the big arguments people have been making recently about childfree women changing our minds comes down to Taylor Swift.

She went from boldly and proudly claiming her “childless cat lady” title in her endorsement of Kamala Harris before the 2024 election to dropping lyrics about how excited she is to become a mom in her relationship with Travis Kelce.

Her lyrics literally say:

“Have a couple kids, got the whole block looking like you.”

In other words, it’s hyperbole for the notion of Taylor having so many kids with Travis that they have a whole block full of mini-mes running around them.

When Taylor claimed the childless cat lady title, a lot of women felt very seen in that moment, specifically childless and childfree women.

And there is a major difference between childless and childfree women, by the way.

I actually shared an entire video here on my channel explaining the difference.

Mainly, that being childless means you are lacking a child.

It means that you want a child, but you do not have one.

Being childfree means that you are free of children intentionally.

You don’t want to have children, and you’re happy to be free of children.

Selena Gomez and Lana Del Rey are two celebrities who are childless rather than childfree since they have both made comments about how they hope to experience motherhood at some point.

So they do not classify as childfree.

And Taylor never classified as childfree either.

She quite literally described herself as childless, which is a term generally used by women who eventually want to have children.

So I never considered Taylor to be a childfree woman by any means.

But the reality is that a lot of people lump the titles of childless and childfree together.

People often use the words interchangeably, even though, in my book, they are extremely different.

Regardless, Taylor’s initial claim as a childless cat lady has now morphed into her openly expressing a desire to have a bunch of kids with Travis Kelce.

And that’s encouraged people on social media to start making claims that women are liable to change their minds about eventually wanting kids.

You have to realize…

Taylor never changed her mind about anything.

She always wanted to have kids.

She referred to herself as childless, not childfree.

So Taylor’s angle on this subject really has nothing to do with those of us women in the childfree community.

Childfree women like myself feel pretty solidified in our current stance.

And regardless of how Taylor is approaching things in her own life, it has nothing to do with the rest of us, and it’s not going to sway any of our thoughts or opinions.

Taylor is in alignment with childless women like Selena Gomez and Lana Del Rey.

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I shared another video here on my channel talking about Miley Cyrus, who is outspoken about her childfree stance since she doesn’t love the idea of bringing kids into a dying world that’s currently facing inevitable climate change, nor does she have a deeply ingrained passion or desire to raise children.

Feel free to check that video out if you’d like.

But in that video, I talked about how much I resonate with Miley’s thoughts on this entire subject.

The same way Miley comes across as pretty solid about her decision is the way a lot of childfree women feel.

Yet so many people talk down to us as if we’re undecided and stuck in some temporary phase that we’re eventually going to grow out of.

I need all childfree women to understand something important that I recently embraced for myself.

We are not incomplete just because we aren’t having children in this life.

Our decision to stay childfree instead of becoming mothers does not mean that we are failing as women or that we’ll be incapable of experiencing true love or having fulfilling life experiences.

Women are always told that we’re never going to experience what true unconditional love feels like.

We’re told that we’re never going to live fulfilling lives until we experience that level of unconditional love.

I don’t love the idea of people pushing me and encouraging me to have kids just so I can experience a certain emotion when innocent babies don’t consent to being born into this abusive world.

The level of existential dread I have and the resentment I feel toward my own parents for bringing me into this rat race of a system block me from having any inherent desire to have kids of my own.

As I get older, that’s a reality I’m going to have to face.

They also didn’t set me up for success financially, and I’ve never been able to get out of survival mode for my entire existence.

And I did not ask to be born in the first place.

Mind you, despite the level of existential dread I have, I still maintain my responsibilities.

I still go to work to earn an income and sustain myself.

I still show up every day to be a functioning member of society.

But even so, I’m allowed to voice my frustrations on this topic since, again, I did not consent to being part of this.

Now that I’m here, it’s up to me to make the most out of my situation, which is something I aim to do every single day.

But in this life, happy moments are highlights to look forward to every once in a while, while suffering is guaranteed.

No one escapes suffering.

A philosopher once said, “To be born is to inevitably suffer,” and that’s just the truth.

The only things that are guaranteed are death and taxes.

My parents had sex back in the ’90s, and now here I am as an adult, forced to pay bills.

And no one is immune to the dark side of this existence.

Not even the wealthiest billionaires in the world.

Everyone goes through seasons of sadness, loneliness, rejection, and beyond.

No matter how wealthy you are, you may still face breakups, divorce, scary diseases, phobias, fears, and so much more.

My dad once asked me if I’d be willing to have kids if I were super wealthy and could guarantee my child would have an easy life.

And I briefly considered it for a second.

But then I realized that even the wealthiest people still go through some of the most heartbreaking and demoralizing life scenarios.

No one is immune to suffering.

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I’ve had guys I dated in the past, before I met my husband, tell me I’m a wasted womb for the fact that I don’t wanna have kids. They told me I must not be a very loving or nurturing woman since I don’t have any maternal instincts. My husband, who I’m married to now, would argue how false that statement is based on the amount of love I pour into him and all my friends.

I’ve had people comment on my social media posts about childfree content telling me how stupid I am for being the end to my bloodline. I am grateful to be the end of my bloodline. I’m grateful to be the end of suffering. My ancestors were forced to breed like cattle in slavery, but I have the right to choose another path for myself today.

It fills me with relief to know I’m not bringing new life into this world, especially in a world where racism and sexism exist. As a Black woman, I’m hated by other people around this planet completely unprovoked, and there is nothing I can do about it. So why would I want my offspring to experience that? Why would I want my bloodline to continue?

Being told I am an idiot for ending my bloodline doesn’t phase me. Keeping my bloodline going serves nothing and no one. That whole concept of leaving a legacy through children makes sense if you come from royal blood, maybe. But I am not a royal individual. I had nothing to do with starting this bloodline, so it’s not my responsibility to keep it going.

It is completely fine with me if it ends with me, and that’s honestly what I am striving for.

People treat childfree women like we’re going through a phase, and that’s completely 100% false. I think it’s important that childfree women remain intentionally vocal about our stance in the face of friends and family members who claim this is just a phase we grow out of.

People tell me I’ll eventually get hit with baby fever and change my mind. It’s the silliest thing ever telling a person, “I’m childfree,” and watching them become a magical fortuneteller right before my eyes, suddenly predicting a better future for myself than what I see for myself.

Their responses are weirdly predictable almost every time:

“Well, you’re still young, so you have time to change your mind.”

“You’ll change your mind if your husband tells you it’s important.”

“I said the same thing when I was your age.”

“When baby fever hits, you won’t win.”

“You’ll regret this decision unless you change your mind soon.”

No one ever asks what led me to this decision. No one ever cares for actual insight from someone who has weighed all the options, explored the possibilities, and done extensive research.

Because the craziest thing of all about childfree women is that we’ve actually done probably more research about what goes into getting pregnant, being pregnant, the childbirth process, and the years that go into raising kids than many people who jumped into having kids because they thought it was their natural next step in life.

People never push back or inquire more deeply when I say I’m childfree by choice. They just give off the vibe that they’re shocked or offended by my initial statement. And that’s because society treats motherhood like it’s the default setting.

If you don’t want to have kids, you’re considered immature, selfish, lazy, or broken. A woman who claims she doesn’t wanna have kids is treated as a little girl who just hasn’t figured things out fully yet.

There’s such a double standard. When someone says they want kids, no one asks them if they’ll eventually change their mind. No one asks them if they’re sure about it. No one tells them they’re too young to know. No one tells them they’re going to regret it.

Yet childfree women get interrogated constantly, like clockwork.

Whenever a situation like Taylor Swift happens in pop culture and media, the people around you start treating it as if it’s proof. As in, “See, she changed her mind! You will too.”

The assumption becomes that all women secretly want the same thing, and that all women will eventually change their mind.

But as a reminder, Taylor was never childfree. She was only ever childless. So her desire to make the whole block look like Travis has nothing to do with childfree women or what we want for ourselves.

I can guarantee you, as a childfree woman, that I don’t secretly want kids and I’m biting my tongue with this desire for some strange reason. I just simply don’t want them.

And even if Taylor did switch from being childfree to wanting kids, one woman changing her mind doesn’t invalidate another woman’s certainty.

Regardless of how famous Taylor Swift might be, or any other public figures who make the choice to have kids, people are definitely allowed to evolve. But there are also individuals in the world who are allowed to stay exactly where they are.

The most frustrating part isn’t that people disagree with my choice. It’s that they assume I don’t understand my own mind. They treat my decision as temporary, but they treat everyone else’s as real.

Some women want babies. Some women don’t. The real issue isn’t whether or not someone wants kids to begin with. It’s why society keeps insisting that women don’t know ourselves.

This topic goes deep for me because it’s about autonomy, self-knowledge, self-respect, and the inner trust I have with myself to define my own life path, regardless of the way other people might want to control it or maneuver it for me.