Why is there an unrealistically high pressure placed on every female’s shoulders to push kids out of our vaginas and to be maternal? Since I’m a woman, people assume I want to have kids someday, but that’s simply not the case.

I have no interest in being a mom. The natural assumption is that all females have baby fever and crave having a child. Truthfully, not every woman feels that way –– and I’m here to speak up on that fact. One question that often comes up in conversations between people is, “How many kids do you want?”

That question implies that a person wants to have kids at all and it’s very presumptuous. My answer is, “Zero.” I have a lot of reasons for not wanting to have kids:

• I love my body a lot and I don’t want it to change.

• I have a phobia of needles, doctors, and medical stuff. Getting pregnant means lots of doctor trips and constantly getting poked and prodded with needles. Not to be graphic, but pregnant women also need to let doctors put gloves on and stick their entire hand up there. I can’t handle it.

• Women of color die during childbirth THREE TIMES as often as white women. I happen to be a woman of color. My life is seen as less valuable in the medical world, but I value my life and so does my husband. I want to live a robust and fulfilling life with my husband and my friends. If you don’t believe it, click the link to see the facts.

• I love having total freedom and having a child arguably means your freedom is pretty much gone… forever. Your life revolves around your child from the moment they’re born until one of you dies. Even after a child turns 18, they’re still yours to take care of. Age 18 is typically when college expenses come into play as well. I like being able to just hop in my car to go run an errand. I don’t have to worry about car seats, strollers, or anything that slows me down. I like being able to book a flight for a random vacation. I don’t have to worry about finding trustworthy childcare or trying to travel with a burdensome little one in tow.

• I feel like I helped raise my younger brother so I’ve already had a close enough “parental” experience. 

• I simply don’t want to go through the actual process of childbirth. It seems gruesome and horrifying. I’ve heard of women tearing down there from front to back and becoming a leaking mess afterwards. I’ve also heard of women ripping toward the front and losing all pleasure from the bean.

• When I was 22, I dated a guy who had a kid and it was… awful. It completely turned me off from ever wanting kids of my own. The experience of barely getting to enjoy time with my partner because there was always his kid around to focus on was draining. The kid was cute, and generally speaking, I do enjoy hanging out with kiddos. But not on a 24-hour basis where it feels like you have no escape.

• Studies show that childless women are happier. Kids are stressful and overwhelming, You can never turn being a parent off. Once you’re a parent, you’re stuck that way for life. Single, childfree women are reported as being the happiest demographic of people. I’m married so I’m never planning to be single again, but I appreciate the idea of living life with my husband minus children.

• I love my sleep. I’ve struggled with insomnia off-and-on throughout my adulthood. Whenever I get solid sleep at night, it’s a glorious win. Having a baby means I’d have to sacrifice my sleep for at least the first couple of years. I can picture myself growing resentful of my crying baby if they were blocking me from getting sleep.

• This world is evil and filled with sociopathic murderers, diseases like cancer, AIDS, & MS, a corrupt government, homelessness, poverty, global warming, terrorism, racism, sexism, homophobia, pollution, violent war, pandemics, a failure of an educational system, plus a thousand other problems. The world is evil and I don’t want to bring a child into it. It just doesn’t feel ethical.

My reasons are all valid, one through 10.

Even if my only reason for not wanting kids was based upon just wanting to keep my body and freedom, I would STILL BE VALID in feeling the way I do. Guys who feel the need to pressure women into having kids are wrong, point-blank.

Life probably feels very breezy for men because they never have to go through the hardships of bearing a child, giving birth to a child, menstrual cycles, or anything else in connection with this subject. Since men never have to go through such a terrifying and life-altering experience themselves, they don’t really have a right to pressure a woman to go through it. 

All of this being said, having kids is a wonderful thing and it’s a beautiful thing to witness. I’m always happy for those around me who start families and have kids of their own. I’m aware that having kids is a huge blessing to other people out there, and I definitely acknowledge that! It’s just not a blessing to me, and I won’t be doing it myself. Birth control is my bestie.