Lana Del Rey‘s songs have given us some insight into what her most toxic and heartbreaking relationships used to be like.

She’s married to Jeremy Dufrene now, and true Lana fans are happy for her because SHE appears to be happier than ever.

But her past relationships didn’t seem to be this healthy or chipper, clearly, based on the way she sang about some of her exes.

I’m not 100% sure which songs were written about which exes, so I’m not going to pretend to know. I’m not gonna name-drop people for the most part either. For the most part. I’m just gonna talk about the exes she described in her music based on how they exist lyrically in each of her songs. One of the reasons I fell in love with Lana’s music is that I resonated with the types of guys she dated and the types of heartbreaks she’s been through. Like the time I dated a man who was two decades older than me when I was 22, for example. I’m so grateful to be happily married to my lovely husband now, but I reflect on my past relationships with a lot of shame and humiliation. When I listen to Lana’s songs, I feel far less isolated in all of it. So here’s my list of her most toxic exes, as described in some of her best songs ever.

The GD manchild in “Norman Fucking Rockwell”

The man Lana sings about in “Norman Fucking Rockwell” is a GD manchild, according to her. She reads this dude for filth in the lyrics, describing him as someone she just doesn’t take seriously because of his immaturity and childish shenanigans. She sings, “Goddamn, man child /
You fucked me so good that I almost said, I love you / You’re fun, and you’re wild / But you don’t know the half of the shit that you put me through…” Later she adds, “Cause you’re just a man / It’s just what you do / Your head in your hands / As you color me blue…” I took that as him coloring her blue by emotionally making her sad, since the color blue is associated with sadness. But his head’s in his hands, like he just can’t figure out how to fix or solve the problem. Even though the problem is very easily solved. He needs to grow up, start acting more maturely, and be a better partner to her. However, the man Lana sings about in this song doesn’t sound capable of putting two and two together.

The physical abuser in “Ultraviolence”

Lana sings about a physical abuser in “Ultraviolence,” one of the worst romantic partners she’s ever included in a song. She sings, “He hit me, and it felt like a kiss” and “He hurt me, but it felt like true love,” at different points in the song, calling attention to the fact that she still believed this man loved her, even though he was hurting her. Reality is… a person who lays hands on you with aggression can never really love you, because someone who actually loves you would want to cherish you and protect you. It sounds like Lana wrote this song at a time when she was still so consumed by her love, affection, and forgiveness for this man. She says, “I can hear violins, violins,” with violins doubling as the word violence. So the beautiful sound of violins gets morphed into the fear and pain of physical violence throughout this song. Another part of the song, Lana sings, “Jim taught me that / Loving him was never enough…” No matter how hard she tried to love this man into changing, no matter how much love she poured into this union, he was never going to be gentle with her or love her the way she deserved to be loved.

The empty promiser in “Blue Banisters”

“Blue Banisters” is my fifth favorite Lana song of all time, and in this song, the man she’s singing about sounds like an empty promiser. A man who fills her ears with sweet nothings and promises he never intends to follow through with. The worst kind of man. Lana sings, “Cause I met a man who / Said he’d come back every May / Just to help me if I’d paint / My banisters blue / Said he’d fix my weathervane / Give me children, take away my pain / And paint my banisters blue…” This man didn’t follow through with anything he said he would. She sings about the dried-up flowers from him that are still sitting on her dresser, the hole that’s been left in her heart, and the attempts from her sister and friends to help her move on. The saddest part of the song is the end when she sings, “Summer comes, winter goes / Spring, I skip, God knows / Summer comes, winter goes / Spring, I sleep, Heaven knows…” Which sounds like Lana singing about the way seasons change and time passes by regardless of how much pain she’s in. It sounds like she fantasizes about skipping through the spring and sleeping through spring as she remains alone in her disappointment with this man.

The master manipulator in “Get Free”

“Get Free” by Lana is my number one favorite song from her of all time because of how empowering and legendary it is in the description of her escape from a toxic master manipulator who trapped her in his snare by controlling her, dimming her shine, and weaseling his way back into her world whenever she tried to leave through charm and manipulation. I resonated with this song so much in one of my past relationships. Lana sings, “Sometimes it feels like I’ve got a war in my mind / I wanna get off, but I keep riding the ride / I never really noticed that I had to decide / To play someone’s game, or live my own life / And now I do / I wanna move / Out of the black / Into the blue…” When the person you love keeps manipulating you, it feels like you’ve got a war in your mind. It feels like you’re stuck on a roller coaster ride. But when she said, “I had to decide to play someone’s game, or live my own life,” I instantly understood exactly what she meant. She realized that it was time to stop submitting to his mental games of psychological warfare and start living her own life. So she got free of him, as the title of the song suggests. I posted a full-length video breaking down all my thoughts on Get Free and why I argue it’s Lana’s most important song of all time. Check that out on my YouTube channel if you’d like.

The opportunistic & transactional user in “Fucked My Way Up to the Top”

The man Lana sings about in “Fucked My Way Up to the Top” is an opportunistic & transactional user. He’s extremely exploitative. He thrives on the exploitation of women who are less powerful than him. He represents the Harvey Weinsteins of the world. Men who leverage possibilities and opportunities in exchange for degradation and demoralization. Usually, instances involve young, beautiful women who are desperate for a chance, desperate for a leg up in their dream industry, or desperate for a way out of survival mode — and men who are wealthy, powerful, and predatory. Lana sings, “Lay me down tonight / In my diamonds and pearls / Tell me something nice / About your favorite girl / I fucked my way up to the top / This is my show…” Lana’s approach with this song sounds less like she’s a victim and more like she’s a willing participant in the transactional exchange, however toxic it might be, because she’s determined to achieve her goals by any means necessary, which is a sentiment many young, beautiful women who have been desperate to reach their goals have fallen prey to.

The situationship non-committal f*ckboy in “A&W”

Lana sings about a situationship, non-committal partner in “A&W.” This man is like, worst of the worst, scum of the earth. He makes her feel worthless and disposable because he uses her for her body. So much so that in this song, Lana sounds like she’s given up on ever experiencing true love. She sings, “It’s not about havin’ someone to love me anymore
/ This is the experience of bein’ an American whore…” At another point, she sings, “Did you know a singer can still be / Lookin’ like a side piece at thirty-three?” This man is treating her like nothing more than a side hoe. She sings, “Puts the shower on while he calls me / Slips out the back door to talk to me / I’m invisible, look how you hold me / I’m invisible, I’m invisible…” This man called her privately with the shower water turned on to hide their conversation from the other woman he was with. He made Lana feel invisible. Lana also talks about rape culture, victim blaming, and hypersexuality within traumatized women in this song, so it goes beyond just one man. But the main dude being described in this song sounds like the king of situationships, the king of non-committal fuckboy energy.

The emotional avoidant in “Shades of Cool”

Lana is very clearly singing about an emotional avoidant in her song “Shades of Cool.” I think so, based on the way she describes him as this cold-hearted, closed-off, emotionally avoidant, romantic partner. She sings, “I can’t fix him. Can’t make him better. And I can’t do nothing about his strange weather. You are unfixable. I can’t break through your world. Because you live in shades of gold. Your heart is unbreakable.” Emotionally avoidant partners exist exactly the way Lana sings about in this song. It feels impossible to break through their world, connect with them on a deeper emotional level, or feel like you have any safety and security in a relationship with them. Emotionally avoidant partners feel powerful when the person they’re with gets stuck in a vicious cycle of seeking comfort and validation. They starve you of validation and then gaslight you into feeling like you’re acting too needy, clingy, or over-the-top crazy, even when you’re only seeking a normal and healthy relationship dynamic. This toxic dynamic makes emotional avoidants feel powerful, which is why emotionally avoidant people DON’T deserve love.

The doomed & unstable lover in “Born to Die”

In “Born to Die,” Lana is singing about her doomed and unstable lover. There’s no security or stability in this relationship whatsoever. She sings about their love affair like it’s temporary, fleeting, and eventually doomed to die. Their love affair was born, as stated in the song’s title, and she describes it as being something very hot and heavy, very passionate, very wild and exciting. However, she also knows it’s doomed to end, no matter how good it feels for them to be together. So she settles into that reality and makes peace with it and decides she’s willing to keep indulging in the passion of their connection while it lasts. She sings, “The road is long, we carry on / Try to have fun in the meantime…” as in, let’s just have fun in the meantime for now because we know this isn’t gonna last. And then she confirms the death of their connection when she sings, “Come and take a walk on the wild side / Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain / You like your girls insane / So choose your last words, this is the last time / Cause you and I, we were born to die.” Their relationship was not built to last.

The powerful, self-destructive bad influence in “Gods & Monsters”

The man Lana sings about in “Gods & Monsters” is a very powerful, self-destructive influence in her world. He is someone who absolutely doesn’t have her best interest at heart, and even though he knows she’s spiraling down a bad path, he seems to revel in that and pile more toxicity on top of it. Here are some things about this man that stand out to me. Lana sings, “You’ve got that medicine I need. Fame, liquor, love, give it to me slowly. Put your hands on my waist, do it softly. Me and God, we don’t get along, so now I sing.” This man is bringing her fame, liquor, and love to distract her from the depth of her existentialism. I posted a video about this song on my YouTube channel explaining how “Gods & Monsters” truly defines what it feels like to try to claw your way out of survival mode. And the man Lana sings about in this song is someone who seemingly takes advantage of a beautiful young woman who is in survival mode. He’s a bad influence. He contributes to self-destruction and self-sabotage. She sings, “innocence lost, innocence, lost,” multiple times in the song, and metaphorically speaking, this man is someone else who contributes to the loss of her innocence.

The emotionally damaged sugar daddy in “Million Dollar Man”

I feel like Lana is singing about an emotionally damaged sugar daddy in her song “Million Dollar Man.” Many songs highlight toxic age-gap relationships with young women who get involved with much older men. “Million Dollar Man” really brings that energy, in my opinion. The man she’s singing about has the wealth, the prestige, the brilliance, the power, and the million-dollar lifestyle backing him up. However, he leaves Lana feeling broke. It’s obviously a play on words, the way he constantly breaks her heart over and over again. She sings, “You’re screwed up and brilliant. You look like a million man. So why is my heart broke? You’ve got the world, but baby, at what price? Something so strange. Hard to define.” It sounds like she’s singing about a man who has sacrificed ethics, morals, or being a decent human with a good heart who can actually cherish her in order to reach his level of wealth, status, and success. Like, he traded his empathy for ruthlessness.

The twisted & neglectful lover in “Pretty When You Cry”

The man Lana is seemingly singing about in her song “Pretty When You Cry” is a neglectful lover who can’t even be bothered to offer the bare minimum in their relationship. When you feel neglected in your relationship, it feels worse than being single. Feeling lonely when you’re supposed to have a partner in life is actually so much worse than genuinely being single and alone. Lana sings, “I’ll wait for you, babe. That’s all I do, babe. Don’t come through, babe. You never do. Because I’m pretty when I cry.” In the bridge of the song, she sings, “Don’t say you need me, then you leave, and you leave again. I’m stronger than all my men. Except for you.” She’s describing a man who is 1000% neglectful, constantly leaving her when she needs him the most. When Lana says she’s pretty when she cries, it’s almost like she is describing a toxic, neglectful partner who finds beauty in the chaos he’s creating when he sends her spiraling into darkness and depression. He loves knowing he has that much power over her. I think “she’s pretty when she cries” means that he experiences twisted pleasure in making her cry.

The cheating liar in “The Other Woman”

In “The Other Woman” by Lana Del Rey, the man she’s singing about is a cheating liar. It’s very clear that this song is about an extramarital affair, with Lana serving as the mistress, and by the end of the song, you understand very clearly as a listener that she doesn’t feel proud of herself for being a mistress to this married man. In fact, she sounds kind of disgusted with herself and completely ashamed. She sounds fearful about the dark direction her life is headed if she continues sleeping with this married man. She sings, “The other woman will always cry herself to sleep. The other woman will never have his love to keep. And as the years go by, the other woman will spend her life alone.” So she knows she’s doing something unforgivable in this relationship, but the man she’s singing about in this song doesn’t seem to care at all. She thinks, “When her old man comes to call, he finds her waiting like a lonesome queen, because to be by her side is such a change from old routine.” He wants a break from his wife and kids, so he comes to see his mistress. This man is a cheating liar.

The devastating drug addict in “Heroin”

“Heroin” by Lana Del Rey is absolutely one of her saddest songs ever, since it’s all about addiction, self-destruction, and self-sabotage. The man she’s singing about in this song is a drug addict who prioritized his addiction over his relationship with Lana. It sounds like he did that until the point of his death, and Lana gives some evidence of that when she sings, “I’m flyin’ to the moon again, dreamin’ about heroin / How it gave you everything and took your life away…” Heroin made this man feel like he had everything because, apparently, when you’re high on this type of substance, it makes you feel completely elated, like you’re on top of the world. But then she says it took his life away. I read online that Lana’s former boyfriend Rob Dubuss died of a heroin overdose in 2011, and it’s widely speculated that “Heroin” was written with him in mind.

The time-wasting loser in “In My Feelings”

The man Lana is thinking about in “In My Feelings” sounds like a time-wasting loser. It’s widely believed Lana wrote the song with G-Eazy in mind after their failed relationship in 2017. I actually really like them together, but whatever happened obviously went in a bad direction. Lana starts the song saying, “I’m smoking while I’m running, on my treadmill, but I’m coming up bruises. Could it be that I fell for another loser?” It is a hell of a way to start a song, and it’s very clear that whoever she’s singing about in this song is a massive disappointment. It sounds like he completely wasted her time acting like a jerk and a loser. In this song, she sings about a man who sounds very dismissive and immature, like a true fuck boy. She admits that he got her in her feelings, obviously as mentioned in the title of the song. This song is definitely a track, and whoever she’s talking about in this song was definitely written to come across like a time-wasting loser.

There are more shitty exes of Lana described in other songs, but I’ll end it here.