Realizing that your partner’s family isn’t your biggest fan can be slightly devastating. You and your partner love each other, so it’s painful to learn that members of their family don’t quite support your relationship.

Not being liked by your partner’s family can even be a dealbreaker in some cases. After all, you wouldn’t want to put your partner in the awkward position of always having to defend you to their family.

If you’re in a situation where your partner’s parents think you’re not good enough, or your partner’s siblings are always judging you, you already know how ugly this experience can be.

How to handle it if your partner’s family doesn’t approve of you

Inform your partner that it’s critical you get the chance to defend yourself. Your partner should always also be willing to protect you if his family members are being rude to you.

If your partner is truly in love with you, they won’t allow their family to be disrespectful or unpleasant to you. Even if it’s their parents, grandparents, or other respected elders. Your partner needs to get past any hesitations and stand up for you when necessary.

Sit down with your partner to discuss how you might accomplish changing everyone’s minds about you. Since you and your partner are a team, talking about how to cope as a team is a must.

Active listening should be practiced. The way you and your partner listen to each other is one of the most significant hurdles in successful communication. 

If your partner’s family hates your job, figure out ways to help them understand why you’ve chosen your career path. If they hate you because you’re less educated than your partner, show them the ways you’ve been successful in life regardless of your level of education.

If they hate you for convincing your partner to relocate somewhere else, make sure your partner is regularly visiting with them whenever possible. If they hate you because of your political or religious views, try to avoid any hot-button conversation topics when you’re with them.

If they hate you because of certain clothes you wear, try dressing in a way they’ll respect moving forward. If they hate you because of past mistakes you’ve made in your relationship, make it abundantly clear that you’re never going to repeat mistakes you’ve made while seeking out forgiveness.

If they hate you for things out of your control like your ethnicity or cultural background, just be aware that you shouldn’t be clamoring for approval from bigots anyway. Find inner peace in the notion of not being accepted by people like that.

Establish limits. Create limits that you and your partner are both comfortable with. These boundaries may include time, place, and frequency restrictions for being in the presence of your partner’s family.

Understandably, you don’t want to be around individuals who don’t like you all the time. Creating boundaries may help you avoid significant squabbles. When establishing your boundaries, be gentle, but also let everyone know you will not be bullied.

Ask yourself questions about why your partner’s family doesn’t approve of you. If their reasons are valid in any way, think about making some changes. If their reasons are idiotic, hold your ground and don’t let their opinions impact the way you feel about yourself.

Finally…

Keep your cool! When dealing with your partner’s family, be the bigger person and stay friendly. Do not treat them as they treat you.

Instead, stay courteous and considerate. Your maturity may benefit the relationship.

Prepare for and deal with difficult situations right away. When you and your partner start showcasing boundaries and limiting family visits, things are likely to become heated. Expect this ahead of time to prepare for any difficult situations.