This is a major lesson we can learn from Taylor Swift’s relationships and lyrics.

Taylor’s love life has been on full display since 2006, which means we have about two decades worth of lessons to consider.

Avoid situationships like the plague

Songs like “Cruel Summer” and “August” by Taylor are huge reminders of why situationships are so incredibly damaging, especially now in this modern era. There’s really no excuse to be participating in a situationship because if someone isn’t willing to respect you enough to fully commit to you, then they shouldn’t have access to you or your body. In “Cruel Summer,” Taylor sings, “I’m drunk in the back of the car, and I cried like a baby coming home from the bar. Said I’m fine, but it wasn’t true, I don’t want to keep secrets just to keep you. And I snuck in through the garden gate. Every night, that summer, just to steal my fate. And I screamed, for whatever it’s worth: I love you, ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?“ He looks up, grinning like a devil.“

Let’s break down these lyrics a little bit. She talks about being drunk in the back of the car as she’s brought to tears on her way home due to the slew of emotions she’s feeling being stuck in this toxic situationship. She says she told him she was fine, but it wasn’t true. And that’s because in situationships, you’re never supposed to really show emotions or break down in front of the other person. You’re supposed to act almost like an emotionless robot so they don’t think that you’re getting too attached or emotionally invested. So, you have to constantly brush things off and pretend you’re fine like everything’s chill, even when you’re broken inside.

When she says, “I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you,” she’s describing the shame and disgust that comes from sneaking around with someone who isn’t willing to love you publicly or claim you in front of the world. If someone really cares about you, they wouldn’t urge you to keep your relationship a secret. She talks about sneaking through a garden gate every night that summer to seal her fate. In other words, she was sneaking around with him at night, probably doing late night booty calls. She sealed her fate with him in the sense that he was never going to take her seriously, and they were never going to elevate to a real committed relationship. She was constantly sneaking through that garden gate to see him, even though their connection was never legitimized.

And then she says she told him she loved him and asked if that was the worst thing he ever heard. For a noncommittal man in a situationship, being told “I love you” is a major turn off. They don’t want to delve deeper into their emotions. They don’t want to grow energetically closer to the woman they’re hooking up with. They want to use a woman for her body and toss her out like trash when they’re done. And they want to continue having access to that woman’s body whenever they’re in the mood, even though they didn’t have to go through the effort of fully courting her or committing to her.

Now, let’s talk about the lyrics of Taylor’s song “August” as they relate to situationships. This is my perception of the song: It’s Taylor’s description of the way she lost her virginity, which really stood out to me because it reminds me of the summer I actually lost my virginity. The song starts with her singing, “Salt air and the rust on your door. I never needed anything more. Whispers of ‘Are you sure?’ Never have I ever before.” This is her describing the excitement of getting to his front door whenever she was going to his place, even though it had rust on it. She never needed anything more than walking through that front door to see him. Before getting intimate for the first time, he asked her if she was sure and she responded that she’d never done it before, but they went for it anyway.

Then she sings, “But I can see us lost in the memory, August slipped away into a moment in time. Because it was never mine. And I can see us twisted in bedsheets. August s ipped away like a bottle of wine. Because you were never mine.”

She’s describing their summer fling throughout the month of August, noting that he was never actually hers, despite all the nights they spent in bed together. Their summer season passed by quickly, but they never actually committed to each other beyond those fleeting bedroom moments. Then she sings, “Back when we were still changing for the better. Wanting was enough. For me it was enough. To live for the hope of it all. Cancel plans just in case you’d call, and say you’d meet me behind the mall. So much for summer love and saying ‘us,’ because you weren’t mine to lose. “

These lyrics hit home for me so much because I think back to my summer working as a lifeguard when I swiped my V-card with one of my lifeguard coworkers. We were young. I was 19 and he was 21. The lyrics say, “When we were still changing for the better.” When you’re changing for the better, that means you’re still young, growing up, and figuring out the world around you. Taylor sings, “Wanting was enough, for me it was enough. To live for the hope of it all.” And I remember that feeling of thinking I don’t want this to end, this is really special to me, and even though he hasn’t officially asked me to be his girlfriend, right now the feeling of want is enough. To me it was enough. I was living for the hope of it all. I completely relate to Taylor when I listen to these lyrics.

The lyrics go on to say, “Cancel plans just in case you’d call.“ And that was totally something I used to do when I was 19 years old that summer. I wanted to keep my calendar clear, just in case he wanted to make plans with me. And we would get off our lifeguard shifts at the private pool where we worked and drive down to the beach together. That was a regular activity for us, even though we both kind of knew all along that our summer fling was not going to last beyond summer. So when Taylor sings, “So much for summer love and saying ‘us’ cause you weren’t mine to lose“ I really resonate with that because it felt like love and we referred to ourselves as “us,” but he was never actually mine to lose.

When our summer ended, we didn’t even have a real breakup. There isn’t anything that constitutes the end of a situationship, so therefore a breakup did not happen. And that sort of comes with its own version of pain. Because you feel like there’s no closure or official ending to something that never really officially started because there was never a title or label to it. Even though we spent the entire summer together and shared the most intimate experiences two human beings could possibly share with each other, we never had a discussion defining what we were, so when it ended, we didn’t have a discussion about that either. Many times in the song Taylor sings, “You were never mine” and it’s a painful reminder that you can be so emotionally connected to someone who can devastate you and break your heart, even if they were never your boyfriend, partner, or husband. Who the f*ck wants to go through this type of pain by the way? This is why I say to learn from Taylor by avoiding situationships like the plague.

This is one of my favorite Taylor songs because I feel like she really understood exactly what I went through and it seems she had almost a replicated experience the same summer she lost her virginity. This song is one of the reasons I consider myself to be a diehard Swiftie because I never knew someone could so eloquently put to words the feeling of loving someone who you don’t technically feel you’re allowed to love because there’s no solidified relationship there and there’s no commitment. So, even if you have feelings of love, you can’t admit that or express it because you’re supposed to be keeping things light and casual. Someone always ends up getting hurt in situationships, and it’s usually the girl. And the younger girl is, the more likely she is to 100% get hurt.

I want to add that “August” by Taylor isn’t inherently just a heartbreak song because it also flawlessly touches upon emotions of nostalgia and the warmth of the memory she had with that guy, even though he was never fully her boyfriend because they shared such a deep and intimate connection. And the combination of emotions she put together in that one song is true poetic artistry. So, from the wise words of Taylor, who doesn’t explicitly tell people not to engage in situationships, yet expresses the pain of devastation situationships can cause in songs like “Cruel Summer” and “August,” it’s best to sort of avoid situationships altogether.