A common misconception is that being alone equals loneliness. But this widespread belief needs to be flipped upside down because it’s completely possible to reframe and restructure loneliness into something more fulfilling, empowering, healing, and genuinely worthwhile.
In my opinion, I believe the cure for loneliness is Intentional solitude. Intentional solitude is structured time you CHOOSE to spend alone, pouring into yourself, focusing on yourself, dowsing yourself in buckets of self-love, working through your inner traumas, healing your mindset, and learning how to enjoy your own company, maybe even more than you enjoy the company of other people.
In simpler terms, it’s the ability to romanticize the moments you spend alone so you don’t feel lonely anymore, and instead, those moments start feeling like intentional solitude.
Embrace seasons of isolation
I think this starts with a willingness to embrace seasons of isolation instead of trying to force yourself into social settings and social environments that don’t actually benefit you or serve you. In other words, getting comfortable with being misunderstood by other people. Not everyone is going to understand your view on the world, and that can’t be something that breaks you down.
Accepting that some friendships have expiration dates. Just because someone was close to you for a season, like a year or two ago, it doesn’t mean they’ll still be someone you can depend on today.
No longer performing for approval or auditioning for acceptance from others. Understanding that if the people around you can’t accept you as your most authentic self, then those people shouldn’t be absorbing so much of your time.
Letting go of the pressure to fit in where you know you don’t belong, a.k.a. what we saw from Jenny Humphrey on Gossip Girl as she went out of her way to fit in on the Upper East Side. We watched Little J abandon all ethics and morals in the process, which means she allowed her personal identity and integrity to suffer.
Embracing seasons of loneliness means we refuse to force friendships with people we know we shouldn’t be friends with. Being alone is better than being surrounded by people who don’t really see you. Or have your best interest.
The difference between loneliness and intentional solitude
There’s a massive difference between loneliness and intentional solitude. You have to know that loneliness is not the same as being alone. You can be alone without feeling a shred of loneliness when you’re so fulfilled that you don’t consider it a miserable experience to be alone with your own thoughts.
Loneliness often feels like abandonment. When you’re lonely, you feel like you have no value in the world since it seems no one else is interested in spending time in your presence.
But intentional solitude is different. It’s the CHOICE to spend time alone on PURPOSE because you’re seeking the peace, happiness, and fulfillment that can ONLY be made possible when you have uninterrupted solo time without external attitudes and energies from other people raining down on you.
If you’re in the midst of feeling lonely, loneliness rarely ever feels like a choice. However, intentional solitude is a choice. Acknowledging the difference with appreciation is where you take your power back. It creates a sense of agency over your circumstances.
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