I remember watching an episode of The Kardashians and hearing Kim K say, “Manifesting is one of my talents, so watch out, world!”

At the time, it fired me up a bit more in my belief system of manifestation, but I don’t know why I was being so idiotic… getting confirmation about something like this from a literal billionaire.

Manifestation is a cult of toxic contradictions, and ever since I decided to be done with it, I have gotten comments and messages from people trying to suck me back into the vortex of it, which really makes me see it as a cult.

Like, people are legit mad at me because I said I don’t subscribe to this belief system anymore.

It’s a cult of toxic contradictions, because they tell you it only works if you believe hard enough and become consumed by your goal by embodying the energy of it, “living in the wish fulfilled,” and believing with all your might. But they also say if you want it too much, you emit desperate energy, which then causes you to repel your manifestation.

Regardless of WHY your manifestation fails to materialize, they have a convenient reason to pin the blame on you. So you get stuck in a vicious cycle of trying to monitor every thought, trying to stay operating at a higher frequency even when it feels fake and unnatural, and punishing yourself whenever negative outcomes occur.

But there are several things in life that CANNOT be controlled, contorted, or manipulated through manifestation. People in this pipeline try to convince you that anything and everything can be contorted, but that is false.

And the reality is that Kim Kardashian operates in the world differently from average individuals. Anyone with millionaire or billionaire status would feel like they’re constantly in a flow state of receiving. That’s not the case for everyone, especially average-income earners.

The craziest detail about my escape from the manifestation pipeline and spiritual psychosis is that trying to spread the message of the law of attraction is actually what made me realize it wasn’t real or legitimate. Let me quickly explain:

I was so obsessively wrapped up in the manifestation belief system that I decided a couple of years ago that I needed to revamp my entire social media presence and the content I was posting to honor the law of attraction and spread the message of it.

I’d already launched my YouTube channel to post pop culture coverage about my fave shows and movies, because I’ve always passionately loved analyzing music, specifically from Lana Del Rey. Sometimes Taylor Swift. But I decided I needed to put an end to all of that because it didn’t feel as meaningful or impactful compared to spreading the message of the law of attraction.

I decided pop culture coverage was too shallow, even though I was passionate about it and even though I worked in professional entertainment journalism for seven years and I’ve always been really good at writing, researching, and creating entertainment-centered content.

I thought, nah.

I need to be posting about manifestation because it’s my duty to spread this message as far as I can since it’s such a beautiful and life-changing message to uncover.

So I abandoned my pop culture angle, right as my channel was starting to pick up some steam. I posted a viral video on this channel that hit 1.2 million views about Halle Bailey’s pregnancy announcement, and instead of riding the wave of that momentum, I decided, no. It’s more crucial that I discuss the law of attraction and the power of manifestation at this time instead.

So I revamped my entire channel. Like an idiot. I deserve to be negatively judged for this, btw. I killed every shred of momentum my channel had by trying to pivot into manifestation content. And the whole time I did it, I was “manifesting” success for my channel, believing I put myself on a better path towards success by pivoting from pop culture to the law of attraction.

That decision turned into stone-cold evidence of the fraudulent nature of manifestation. Because of how aggressively it flopped. I believed so deeply to my core that I was doing the right thing and the noble thing by posting about manifestation, but all it did was ruin my channel. It has taken me a good six or seven months to undo the damage I caused in my return to pop culture coverage and lyrical analyses.

During my manifestation YouTube era, I was posting daily videos, which means, in the law of attraction world, I was 100% taking inspired action and making a real effort and doing the work. I was also journaling in present-tense language as if my channel was already successful. I was sleeping to subliminals nightly. I was doing the Tesla 369 method. The water method. The burial method. The 12-prong manifestation wheel method. I had every crystal you can think of to attract abundance and success, obviously starting with citrine. I was doing ALL the things, day in and day out. I wasn’t a lukewarm believer. I was dead set on seeing this manifestation unfold. But it never did.

The Secret is the movie that sucked me in. I watched it in 2020, but it came out in 2006. So it’s been around for two decades. Millions of people watched that movie two decades ago. However, the two most common things people manifest for themselves still aren’t real for so many people. Love and money. The marriage rate in the US has declined by over 50% since 1970, and 73% of young adults are living paycheck to paycheck right now. These stats are from the National Institute of Health and Yahoo Finance.

Two decades is enough time, I think, for more people to have evidence of success stories. However, millions of people who watched The Secret over the last two decades do not have any results to show for it.

Sure, we get success stories from the standout storytellers who achieved their goals every once in a while… But the majority of people who’ve invested in this belief system have no evidence of success.

The woman who claimed to manifest healing for her physical body from cancer in the movie actually ended up dying a couple of years after the movie came out. And she died of cancer. This is something I didn’t know about when I first watched the movie. I was just eating it up. Like a weak-minded dummy who is extremely susceptible to bullshit shenanigans.

I posted a video about my escape from the spiritual psychosis of manifestation not too long ago, and I’ve gotten some vicious attacks in the comment section.

To be honest, the energy is giving cult-like behavior. Like, these people are trying to suck me back into the vortex of manifestation, and they’re pissed at me because I no longer subscribe to it.

I still believe in setting a goal and working hard to achieve a goal. That’s what I’ve always done, and it’s how I’ve always lived. However, I no longer believe there’s a woo-woo factor in the background pushing my goals towards the finish line. The universe is not conspiring on my behalf just because I simply decided on a goal and said, “It is done, it is done, it is done.”

I watched The Secret when I was 25, and I developed a hormonal/metabolic health issue at 27. You better believe I was in my journals every day, writing about how healed I was, how healthy I was, how balanced I was every single day, multiple times a day. Meditating constantly. Sleeping to subliminals for health and healing. I was doing EVERYTHING. I did everything for years. But I never got better.

I watched The Secret at 25, and at 30 years old I lost my career in professional entertainment journalism to AI. You better believe I was in my journals every fucking day like a psycho, trying to call in new opportunities, trying to get editors to give me a chance, trying to get anyone to open a door for me. But the job market just kept getting worse anyway despite my efforts. I was applying. I was doing unpaid writing tests. I was putting myself out there aggressively, but it continued to feel like a humiliation ritual.

No one gave me a chance the entire time. The concept of manifestation falls apart rapidly when millions of people who believe in it all get hit with the same harsh reality of a declining economy and frozen job market, all at the same time. The majority of us have all been steadfast in our belief, but a huge portion of us never regained our footing in our career paths.

I work a different job now that has pushed me into occasional suicidal ideation. I’d never actually harm myself, but good golly miss molly, do I daydream.

I watched The Secret at 25 years old and spent the last several years trying to build solid friendships with people in my city. While I do know some really cool, nice people, I can’t say I actually developed any real friendships with people who show up for me. I haven’t had a hangout session with a friend who was actually on time to see me in I don’t even know how long. I’ve waited legit 30 minutes to an hour of lateness, or just had people cancel altogether last minute on the day of our plans more times than I care to count.

The friends I have are really kind, really sweet, but the reality is that they’re still flaky and inconsistent with me. I feel like the disposable friend who isn’t really a priority. That has never changed, even after years of dedicated effort from me writing about my “solid and healthy friendships” in present tense in stacks and stacks of journals as if these fantasy friendships were already real.

It was years of inspired action also, with me always being the one who was willing to drive farther distances and always being the one who refused to flake at the last minute, even when I might’ve wanted to. I always showed up, even when it wasn’t convenient. But friendships that reciprocate my energy never came.

I watched The Secret at 25 and decided I wanted a big life for myself. A life of travel, freedom, and flexibility. You bet your bottom dollar I went out of my way to try and manifest that and create it for myself. But it put me into credit card debt. I thought I was sending signals to the universe about the big life I wanted to live, and I was convinced the universe was conspiring on my behalf. I deeply believed financial windfalls and blessings would soon follow because I was willing to take leaps and free-fall with trust into the universe’s arms. But none of that ever happened. I created debt that I’m now paying off. Simple as that.

I still do think there’s a spiritual element to our human existence, but believing I can “manifest outcomes” is a nonstarter for me at this point. Someone asked me in my comments what I think the purpose of life is now that I no longer subscribe to manifestation, and I said… I really don’t know. But I think I really want to leave the world a better place than I found it. Just because it feels good to do that, not because I’m trying to manifest any result. I want people to feel warmer and more loved after interacting with me. I want to leave a positive mark on the world in the fitness and wellness space as a yoga instructor, pole dancing instructor, and sound bath practitioner. I’ll continue to recycle, clean up litter, and donate money to causes that tug on my heartstrings. I’ll keep doing that kind of thing.

But I’m relieved to be free of the manifestation pipeline. I’m still grieving it and the fact that it’s not real. It was a mere figment of my imagination and a desperate fantasy I leached onto. I still grieve it. Life is really painful and hard. I clung to manifestation because I wanted to cling to a sliver of hope. I’m so embarrassed that I was so obsessed with it, though. The way I droned on and on about it was insanity.

As of now, I’m just moving forward with my life, existing in this world day by day. The content on my channel has been changed back to pop culture, which is good for me because I worked in this field professionally for seven years straight out of college before AI came along and ruined that, but this channel gives me the chance to do deep dives into pop culture still. And that’s fine with me.

I’m still grieving the loss of this belief system, because once upon a time, it meant EVERYTHING to me. Walking away from this has not been easy. I wanted to believe it. So badly.

But fuck it. We ball.